The New Year

I found last night, New Years was really hard. We had some close friends with us but it was still hard to think I was leaving the year behind that you were born. The year that you were here. I thought of you most the night, wishing you were with us. I wanted the year to end for so many reasons, but there was a part of me that didn't want it to end because it was another attachment to you. I miss you so much.

Harrison, I miss you more each day. I love you, I have felt loads of breezes lately, maybe because you are sending extra love and kisses to me. Sending all my love to you my sweet baby boy. I love you. Love Mummy

One of your Christmas gifts

Here is the fort that was suppose to be for you and your brothers for Christmas. This playground is a reminder that you aren't here. We layby this when we had not long found out we were pregnant with you. We thought how awesome for all you kids to be out there playing together. So when I look at this I think of you. Cody loves it, and that to a degree makes me sad as he would have loved his little brother up there with him, once you got older.

I love and miss you so much. My sweet angel. Love Mummy

I have been really sad over the last few days. Not sure if it was Christmas that has made it sadder or just life. I also don't know whether it is the year drawing to an end and every ones talking about what they are doing to end the year. The whole end of year makes me sad, don't get me wrong, I am glad this year is coming to an end. It certainly couldn't get any worse, but then it is another thing that ends. I am not good with the end of things any more. Everything seems to move on. I miss my son so much, I don't want him forgotten because the year has ended.

Harrison I miss you. I just want some more time with you, more photos of you. I wanted to see your little eyes open, I wanted to hear you cry. I just want you. I love you, my baby boy. Love Mummy

Christmas with out you.

It was really hard this Christmas. I usually love Christmas, love the Carols in the shops, love the whole spirit of giving at Christmas. This Christmas was laced with Sadness for me, It should have been Harrison's first. I missed him so much on Chirstmas day. I had my little reminders of him, Anne's little angel, my other Harrisons angel ball and my mum bought me a ball with Harrison's name on it, which you can see on the photos. The boys and I wrote our letters to Harrison and put it in his little stocking.

My cousin came over for lunch on Christmas day. She has a 6 month old baby, I look at her and think Harrison would have been littler then you. She was a reminder of what I didn't have on that day. She went down for a nap, and when she started to cry I thought it was my son Cody, but as I got closer to the rooms it was her so I went in and got her from where she was sleeping. She was all happy and cute, as they are. There were 2 moments though while I was holding her, that she gave me this really sweet long hugs, she just rested her little head in my chest and I wanted to cry because it was just so sweet, but a part of me thinks maybe it was Harrison sending hugs through her. That might be crazy, but they were just the most unusual little hugs
It was almost like she knew i was missing someone and I needed this hug. So I believe those hugs were from Harrison.

I miss him so much. It made me sad, the people with us on Christmas day didn't really talk about him. That was hard I am not sure if people understood how hard that day was for me in that way. My son died only 3 and a half months ago and it was suppose to be his first Christmas. Babies first Christmas are usually so special, so the loss on their first Christmas is even harder. I missed him so much, my heart feels like it is almost breaking again.

Harrison, I miss you so much. I have met some other Mummies that have Angel babies, I hope you were with them on Christmas day. I hope in Heaven that Christmas day was amazing. My heart aches for you and I so wish you were here with me. Merry Christmas my sweet little angel. I love you. Love Mummy

Thank you Anne,

My dear friend Anne bought me this beautiful Angel Ornament. This ornament hangs on our tree, I really love this ornament, Thank you so much Anne for getting me this. It means the world to me.
It's Donovan (my eldest son) birthday today, I love birthdays, but these days there is an element of sadness as well. Harrison isn't here with us to celebrate, and these times when it is such a family time it really hits home that he isn't here.I have decided on birthdays that we will include Harrison and now Harrison gives a birthday present and a christmas present to the boys At least by doing this I feel like he is still remembered by the boys in an exciting way, and that he is still some what included in our family, especially those special days
I have this internal battle, I love Christmas, but a part of me just doesn't want to do Christmas. In some ways it is just to happy and so family orientated I don't have all my family with me, my little boy is an angel in heaven, but I want him here.

I miss you my sweet little boy. I wish you were here, especially for today and tomorrow being Christmas. I love you so much. Missing you as always. I love you Love Mummy

Ways to remember you

We concreted the pads for the kids Fort that we layby at the beginning of the year. We knew we were pregnant with Harrison, so this gift was partly for him. So we decided to write the kids names in the concrete we wanted to include Harrison's as it was for him as well.

We put all the boys hand prints above there names, but because Harrison isn't with us I put the date he was born and the date he died. I feel as though this will be here forever, even if we move our house and yard is special and he has a place here, this house was built with him in mind, so this is a way he can lay claim here. It makes me sad that he never came home to see our house or his room. He is home in a way now but it isn't the same.

Harrison my sweet little boy we love and miss you. This is one of your Christmas presents. We miss you and wish you could be here.

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

As you know this time of year is hard on us Angel parents and the only thing we ask for is a Christmas miracle....Thats for our angels to come and see us on Christmas Day.,, See Santa we angel parents miss our angels more then anything in the world on Christmas day..... So take this wish and please grant it for us.... (I got this from the Sands facebook page)

I wish this wish could be granted. That is all I ask for Christmas is to see my beautiful baby boy. Just for a few minutes. Just to touch his soft skin. Just one more time.

I love you Harrison, I miss you so much. I wish you could come back. My heart aches for you. Your big brothers birthday is coming up. You are always missed on these events. Your big brother misses you. He loved you so much. He was so sad because he didn't get to see you with your eyes open. You are so loved by all of us, and missed by us all. You will be forever in our hearts.