How do you celebrate a first birthday without your baby. How do you celebrate when the following day was the most tragic day. I am hit with 2 days in a row, one of Joy that my son was born, then the other day is so very sad, the day when my son died. It's so conflicting. How do you celebrate when he isn't here with me. I love him so much, he should be here to celebrate.
I should be able to make a cake that reflects his little personality, the things he likes, so when I go through the cake book, I have only 28 hours of his little life to go on. 28 hours is more then some people get, and I am grateful for those 28 hours, but then it isn't alot to go on for a cake. He was such a fighter, but how do you translate that into a cake. I feel so ripped off. I should have my son with me, I should have him to pick up and cuddle and wish him happy birthday. I want to make it so very specail for my boys, but i am trying to figure out how I am going to get through this without being a mess.
This is so very hard for me. I miss him so very much. I have lost my innocence of life and how things bad don't happen to me. I have lost my son to a horrible condition. I will never get him back. I will never get to hold him and kiss him, I never got to hear him cry, I never got to see his little eyes open.