Monday, April 11, 2011

You will be missed

It is Jordy's 8th birthday fast approaching, and it is also Easter. Once again it is the hardest time for me on these events. It is the time that it is so evident that we are a family member short. I use to have a real love for the festive celebrations, like Christmas, Easter. Now they come with me being saddened by it. I still make a big deal for the boys, and they have fun, but it just reminds me of how we have a little boy missing.
As a family we are going through some transitional times and I am finding it really hard, and I feel a little lost, then it makes dealing with my grief so much harder. I am just feeling life is so hard at the moment, and you often think after all I have been through, can't I just get a break. Every time I turn around it just seems another thing.
I worry so much about my other boys dealing with the loss of their brother. I am trying so hard to create memories so they will be ok, and remember him.
It is so hard, as a mother you are suppose to hold it together all the time. I don't feel like I am such a great job at that at the moment. It is like I am treading water.
I miss you Harrison so very much. I was out today at a friends and there was lots of little ones, toddlers around. I just kept thinking I ahould have a baby who would be nearly 7 months. He should be rolling and crawling around. I wonder what he would be doing? I wonder if he would have been a sleeper? I just wish that I had the opportunity to get to know him more, at least to have some memories.

Harrison my sweet little boy, I love you so very much. You are missed every moment of every day. I love you

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