Thursday, March 31, 2011

They say time heals

Every one knows the saying, 'Time heals' well I don't think it does when you lose a child, time passes and the sadness remains. I think I am trying to find a new normal, life will never be care free and that simple happiness. When you are a griefing parent your life is layers, layers of sadness, it just depends on what layer has been unfolded will depend on how you react.
The other frequent comment is 'you are doing so well' They really have no idea. I have my typical answer 'I am doing ok' but really you feel like you are falling apart. I am so shattered about Harrison. He was such a little fighter, to make it as long as he did, he had such determination. I just hope and pray that he knew his mummy loved him so very much.
I think in life there is just some experiences that time will never heal. I think you become scarred, I guess a part of me just wants to hide away and stay in bed, another part of me wants the world to know my sweet little boy was just so perfect. I want the world to know that the pain us mothers feels is the most heart wrenching, the deepest, darkest and so very sad world us angel parents live in.

Harrison, I love you, I miss you so very much. there was a beautiful breeze today, I know that on that breeze you sent loads of love and kisses to me. I wish I could touch your beautiful soft skin, your hair that was like silk. If only I could have one more moment. Just one more minute, in that minute I would tell you how much love I have for you. How as much I am so sad that you aren;t here, I would never wish you had never came. I would wish you could have stayed with me. Loving you every moment of every day. Love Mummy

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