Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mothers Day

Mothers Day was on the weekend, I was so emotional leading up to it, and I have been extremely emotional since. It was so hard, my husband was so lovely though he tried so hard to wait on me the whole day, he cooked up a storm in the kitchen, and made a massive mess, which kept my stress levels high. I missed Harrison so very much. I thought that I should have a nearly 8 month old snuggled in bed with me, waking me up early. My 8 year old was so excited, and I must admit, that made the day a little easier with his excitement it was hard to let my sadness for Harrison be to overwhelming and consuming because of his excitement. '
For Harrison's charity we did a photo shoot on Saturday, and our photographer that supports Harrison's Little Wings, she has a little girl with an incurable condition, and she bought her along, She is absolutely beautiful Ruby, I sat with her most the time, looking at her and watching her, she has a oxygen tube, and a feeding tube, and she makes me think of Harrison and how that could have been a possiblity for me, the oxygen tubes, and tanks. Tanya her mother is awesome and she carries on with so much strength, I often wonder would I have handled my 3 older boys and Harrison as well as she does. Harrison was constantly on my mind that day, just wondering, and wishing he was here. Wondering in a way that was cruel, would he have been really sick if he had survived? All the would haves and could be's, when you lose your baby you often wonder what could have been, you try not to but it is something most of us grieving mothers do. It isn't just the loss of your baby, but the loss of so many hopes and dreams that you have for your children.

Harrison, I miss you and love you. I hope you got my cuddles and kisses on Mothers Day. Love Mummy

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