Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Harrison, how can I explain to you how much we loved you? Can I scream it? Would you hear? Does God let you look down, or does he at least tell you about us? I wish I could send you a letter, an emaiil even, as long as it got to you. I would tell you so many things, I would want to know so much, what are you doing? Do you grow in heaven? Do the angels rock and sing to you? Does Jesus gather you all around and read you stories?
People say that when you go through a tragedy it makes you either believe in God more or move away from beliefs... I grew up in the church, my children attend a Christan school. I have always believed in God, I think the world is to intricate to believe it happened in some bang. Has my tragedy made me believe in God or move away?
I am really angry at God, I don't understand why I carried Harrison for 9 months and to then deliver him to then to be only taken away after 28 hours. Maybe God has a plan that I yet know about. Though through this time I need to believe in a Heaven and God because that is where I want Harrison to be in a beautiful place where everything is perfect, where he has no pain and is loved and nurtured.
Now I am left with a broken hearted, as a mother you just want to hold other mothers hands as they go through this dreadful experience. You know the pain that they are feeling. I am hoping I can turn my tragedy into a positive. Hence Harrison's charity.
Harrison I love you so very much. I miss you. Mummy