Monday, February 14, 2011

You would be 5 months old today

I can't believe that you would be 5 months old today, I miss you so very much. It hasn't gotten any easier. I feel like I walk around through life with a mask on, trying to make out that life is ok. But deep down there are tears that are flowing all the time. NO one should ever have to watch there baby die, no one should have to say goodbye to there child. Us parents are suppose to outlive our children. I miss Harrison so very much.
One thing I have learnt through my whole pregnancy is don't make promises you can't keep. I had so many people offer to help in different ways, but had no intention of fulfilling that offer. I also had people there and now I bearly see or hear from them. Were they there to help,, but I don't think people understand that when Harrison died it was the eye of the storm. During my pregnancy was the start of the storm, his death was the eye and now is the end bit of the storm, but unfortunately sometimes I can't see how to rebuild, it seems you just co exist with this cyclone inside you.
Harrison, I love you so very much. blowing you kisses and hugs for today. I wonder what you are doing in heaven? Please God just give my sweet little boy my hugs and kisses.

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