Grief

It has been 5 weeks today when Harrison died, in some ways it seems like forever ago, in other ways it was like yesterday. It is almost cruel that life goes on, you sometimes just want the world to stop so that you can cry and nothing goes on. You want to be able to take a breath and think. Unfortunately the world keeps turning and gets busier every day. Mornings are the worst for me, I wake up and sometimes I think maybe it was just a dream, then reality kicks in, and no that actually did happen, then the thought of another day going by with out Harrison makes me cry. For a women our body sets us up to wake several times a night while we are pregnant. I have constant reminders every day the baby that I don't have, I wake up through the night and think I should have a baby to be getting up to. I usually breast feed, and I have noticed that still now my body has bounced back like it usually does. I cleaned up the wardrobe yesterday in what was going to be Harrisons room. We didn't set his room up as we knew he wasn't well and also we weren't sure if Harrison did ok how long he was going to be in hospital. I am glad I didn't set the room up, it was hard enough cleaning out the wardrobe where I had put things, like baby toys and baby blankets and towels. I boxed it all up but I didn't have the heart to put them any where else but back into the wardrobe in boxes. Not a day goes by, not even an hour goes by where I don't think of my little angel Harrison.