Wednesday, October 13, 2010

How do you say goodbye?

How do you say goodbye to your baby who you love dearly? There are so many things that you want to say, and not enough time or words to say. I wanted so much to touch his little head and try and remember how his beautiful hair feels and how soft his skin is. I wanted so much to just run away with him and to make everything ok. As a mother you just want to hold your baby and make everything ok, and it is heart breaking when you can't make the pain stop or to help in any way I just wanted him to know that he was loved, more then anything. To watch your baby die is the worst thing a mother can suffer, I wouldn't wish it upon the devil himself. It was the most heart wrenching, heart breaking thing I have ever done. How do you say goodbye?? I can't answer this questions, 4 weeks on, I wish I had said things, I wish I had done somethings. I don't regret all that I did and did get to say, but when you face this kind of trauma your brain seems to shut down, and you don't think completely rational, so there is things I would have liked to have told him. I guess I told him the most important thing I told him that I loved him.
On the 15th the grandmothers got to have a hold of Harrison, and to say goodbye.


  1. Oh Mel - this is so sad to read. What a truly lucky boy to have had you as a Mum. Beautiful photos and heart wrenching at the same time.

  2. Mel, your story is heart-breaking, I cannot offer any words of wisdom that will ease your pain or say anything that will help your situation. I would just like you to know that I am thinking of you and your family and that dear, dear little boy that got to have a cuddle with his mum, he got to feel your love and hear your voice.