Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas with out you.

It was really hard this Christmas. I usually love Christmas, love the Carols in the shops, love the whole spirit of giving at Christmas. This Christmas was laced with Sadness for me, It should have been Harrison's first. I missed him so much on Chirstmas day. I had my little reminders of him, Anne's little angel, my other Harrisons angel ball and my mum bought me a ball with Harrison's name on it, which you can see on the photos. The boys and I wrote our letters to Harrison and put it in his little stocking.
My cousin came over for lunch on Christmas day. She has a 6 month old baby, I look at her and think Harrison would have been littler then you. She was a reminder of what I didn't have on that day. She went down for a nap, and when she started to cry I thought it was my son Cody, but as I got closer to the rooms it was her so I went in and got her from where she was sleeping. She was all happy and cute, as they are. There were 2 moments though while I was holding her, that she gave me this really sweet long hugs, she just rested her little head in my chest and I wanted to cry because it was just so sweet, but a part of me thinks maybe it was Harrison sending hugs through her. That might be crazy, but they were just the most unusual little hugs
It was almost like she knew i was missing someone and I needed this hug. So I believe those hugs were from Harrison.

I miss him so much. It made me sad, the people with us on Christmas day didn't really talk about him. That was hard I am not sure if people understood how hard that day was for me in that way. My son died only 3 and a half months ago and it was suppose to be his first Christmas. Babies first Christmas are usually so special, so the loss on their first Christmas is even harder. I missed him so much, my heart feels like it is almost breaking again.
Harrison, I miss you so much. I have met some other Mummies that have Angel babies, I hope you were with them on Christmas day. I hope in Heaven that Christmas day was amazing. My heart aches for you and I so wish you were here with me. Merry Christmas my sweet little angel. I love you. Love Mummy

No comments:

Post a Comment